''fate''

Peace be upon with you.

Sigh....When I think about my life, it's complicated. And when I try a little bit harder, a little bit future, it stress me out because it is complicated. Thinking about analogy, it just like a very long way, too many paths. I wonder which one should I choose, and scare if all the paths are wrong, straight to the dead ends. My eyes couldn't see any lights more. It just the dark, covering my whole life. Sigh.....

Yes. I do read blogs. Knowing what they do, what they feel and what they think. It seemes everyone has their own happy sad things.
And yes, I do feel upset. When they have something and I don't.
And yes, I do feel down. When they do something and I don't.
And yes, I do feel bad....and sad. When I think.....how AWFUL I am.

Someone said to me - you did a wise decision my friend this week -
I simply replied - I know -
Yet, my heart just felt like - blizzards were going all the way around my body -

Someone said to me - you are undescribable (I don't remember the exact word, but it has something related with that word) -
I simply replied - maybe -
Yet, I do. People are quit difficult to know me. What am I exactly. The real me.

What I am thinking right now?
Wondering if I could be as strong as Carlisle Cullen from Twilight Saga. A very kind vampire, living immortal, not sucking people's blood. Even he is a doctor. Rich and yet still happy with himself, even he had gone through the bittherness of his previous life.

But....I know it is impossible to be a vampire just like him.
And...I realize, this is the ''fate'' that I choose a long time ago. Sour, bitter, dark.
And...I realize, I need to continue my life by using the fate I choose. Sour, bitter, dark.
Till my heart is stop functioning, till the end of my journey.

Wassalam.

p/s - sorry being emo again. just expressing my thought. and no one is related. it is just EVERYONE in general.