Sunday, November 30, 2008
Life is difficult. I admit it. No offense. Because I feel terrible. So terrible. Thinking about my life, again and again, is really pissed me off. No wonder people could not know me, I guess so. So my point is, I'm f***ing dumb a**. Sigh, I'm really need......... sigh, forget it.
,,there is nothing about my life except craziness,,
,,sometimes,,loneliness can make me smile,,and,,
,,sometimes,,loneliness can make me cry,,
,,beautiness is a BONUS for people,,whatever they want,,they will get it easily,,
,,sometimes,,I wanna love someone and wanna be love by someone,,
,,sometimes,,I wanna hate someone but don't wanna be hate by someone,,
,,can I deserve dat??,,seems impossible,,
,,it's not easy to understand someone's heart,,and,,
,,it's not easy to understand my heart,,but,,
,,I wish I'm not existed,,serious,,
,,everyone cannot be trusted,,
,,addicted,,something that cannot be changed,,
Those are my quotes I made up. Sounds not beautiful. Yeah, I'm not a poet. And quote of this new month:
,,putting high expectation on something would make someone crazy,,real crazy,,
I need to go to sleep. (I hope I could experience happy life, at least in my dream,,sigh,,)
Collecting shoes is my passion since I was 15. If I could remember, I have collected about 15 pairs of shoes back to my home with different types. Sneakers, school-like shoes, basketball shoes, hoppers shoes, PVC shoes and even dancing shoes. How pathetic I am. But, I just brought 2 pairs here at RIT. And one of them seems to be unwearable. LOL. I like hoppers shoes most. So, I bought new shoes at the Mall. And my favorite colors are red, white and black.
ecah kentang and mine - same habit,,hoho,,
Somehow i miss my old shoes at home.WAWAWAWA. Okay, Till next post.
I can't wait for the New Moon movie to release. Hehe.
It's normal for siblings to have same voice. Not exactly the same but almost. Yeah, I do have voice same with my 2nd brother and he is a bigger than me (no offence okay!). There are 2 interesting stories.
If our mama or ayah calls home and either of us answers it, the first thing come out from them is,"Ni abg mane nie??". So, as usual, we need to introduce ourselves to our parent. Sigh. What a heck!!
I copy and paste the post from my 2nd bro. Once upon a time....
So, that is the story. Haha. There have been a long time I don't contact him. He is my junior and he is nice too. LOL.
Okay. Need to sleep right away.
Friday, November 28, 2008
Sigh....When I think about my life, it's complicated. And when I try a little bit harder, a little bit future, it stress me out because it is complicated. Thinking about analogy, it just like a very long way, too many paths. I wonder which one should I choose, and scare if all the paths are wrong, straight to the dead ends. My eyes couldn't see any lights more. It just the dark, covering my whole life. Sigh.....
Yes. I do read blogs. Knowing what they do, what they feel and what they think. It seemes everyone has their own happy sad things.
And yes, I do feel upset. When they have something and I don't.
And yes, I do feel down. When they do something and I don't.
And yes, I do feel bad....and sad. When I think.....how AWFUL I am.
Someone said to me - you did a wise decision my friend this week -
I simply replied - I know -
Yet, my heart just felt like - blizzards were going all the way around my body -
Someone said to me - you are undescribable (I don't remember the exact word, but it has something related with that word) -
I simply replied - maybe -
Yet, I do. People are quit difficult to know me. What am I exactly. The real me.
What I am thinking right now?
Wondering if I could be as strong as Carlisle Cullen from Twilight Saga. A very kind vampire, living immortal, not sucking people's blood. Even he is a doctor. Rich and yet still happy with himself, even he had gone through the bittherness of his previous life.
But....I know it is impossible to be a vampire just like him.
And...I realize, this is the ''fate'' that I choose a long time ago. Sour, bitter, dark.
And...I realize, I need to continue my life by using the fate I choose. Sour, bitter, dark.
Till my heart is stop functioning, till the end of my journey.
p/s - sorry being emo again. just expressing my thought. and no one is related. it is just EVERYONE in general.
Thursday, November 27, 2008
It's not about broken heart,,
It's just about broken.....GLASSES
Sigh,,I stepped on my beautiful black glasses last few days when I woke up in the morning. I had never realized it was on the floor and I stepped on it hard. At last, the right lense broke. Ouch, my foot was hurt too. I screamed, but not loud. And yeay me, because I have another blue specs that I could use then. But somehow, I missed my broken glasses. Awwww...
Sigh, I wonder how much the cost only for the lense here at the Mall. Would it be expensive?
p/s: iwan,,pls go to the optical store at giant kj. Then, ask whoever in the store to trace my latest record. Last, copy all the info and give it to me through email. Remember, do not miss any info plz,,,
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Early morning for every weekend, I wake up going to work as a custodian. The main thing I do is picking up trash and sending it to some other place. Instead of it, sometimes I need to sweep the floor, mop it and vacuum it. I think this job is almost the same as a cleaner. Yeah a cleaner. I'm really grateful because at last, I get a job as the second source of money instead of allowance from MARA.
"kalau dekat US, student Malaysia keje kasto plg popular." - someone's quote.
For me, as long as the job makes money, 'halal' and okay, it's alright for me. Even it is quite a tough job for me.
Thank to Allah, there was not much trash at the residence hall. Specifically, me and Aza checked trash at building 28, 30, 32, Baker, Colby and Kate Gleason. So, we finished it around 7 a.m. So, then we were vacuming the A floor at building 28,, 30 and 32. Plus, moping the stairs at Kate Gleason. I have already gotten my badge number too.
Sigh, I wonder how is it gonna be like when working during the students are staying at the residence. I'm pretty sure there would be a lot of trash as they like to make trash and garbage. LOL. Pray for my strenght so I could wake up early and do the trash picking.
Once again, I just want to write about my daily life last Thursday & Friday. Here we go...
I went to his house because I was invited to. Fullstop. Nothing other than that. Yeah, I ate dinner, watched tv, chit-chat with him and read book. That's all. But somehow when my eyes looked at my phone, it was already midnight, and the temperature was -5 Celcius I guess. So, it would be better if I stayed there for a night. Hehe. Not in my plan. And I slept peacefully about 1 a.m without switching off the lights. Sorry dude...
Waiting for the bus was sucked. Sorry for the harsh, but yeah, no other words to describe. But at last, it arrived at the park point 600++ houses. So, I ran, quickly, to catch it up. Sigh. What a day. Solah Jumaah went through smoothly and amazingly, I didn't sleep at all. After it was finished, I went outside, did 3 things
1. Said goodbye to Joe for his holiday (he is a very kind person)
2. Listened seniors experience sleeding at RC yesterday,,sigh,,
3. Followed Manche' going to Naje's home sweet home,,also not in plan,,
Naje's home sweet home - Evening
Nothing else to do than playing RockBand2. Yup. Then, Manche' cooked 'telur kicap' as our pre-dinner because Hawa would come over and pepare for dinner. Plus, we were really hungry as we didn't eat since we woke up in the morning. Yee-hah. When the sun was slowly faded from my view, more Malaysians came. Yup, it was just like a party I guess. I helped Hawa cooking. But sadly, the rice cooker caused trouble and needed to make other rice. Sigh, but at last, everyone was satisfied. Yeah.
And that night, I just knew that Ijud was going back to Malaysia for her good sake. Sigh, I really wanna know the reasons. But, they told me that I spreaded her story. I was just like,,DUUUH,,,I just knew it by that time....
On the way back to Residence Hall, I enjoyed the view of RIT in white with Manche', Adam, Thirah and Kentang. It was fun too since Adam was talking about something I don't understand till now. Sorry Adam. I was thinking something else at that time.
So, I slept early coz needed to woke up early...
Uhurm,I just want to write my activities and my feelings on last Wednesday.
Once upon a time,,,
My phone was ringing made me woke up to grab it and answer the call. It was Amer asked me to go to downtown for applying SSN. I nodded means I understood of what was he talking about. My back was still killing me. Maybe I overslept last night. Looking at the pad of my HP laptop, my hand rolled on it to start the screen. Yeah, the were 2 IMs for me. One from RIT member and another one from my family. I read them carefully without blinks. And yeah, I did what the IMs told me to do so even I felt disappointed plus guilty. Nothing more than that.
Sigh, my heart felt very depressed without reasons. But I still kept talking with my friends about anything. Then, BUS 24 arrived on time and I paid the ticket with a dollar coin. My eyes tried to search perfect spot to sit and I found one at the back. I got to that spot and sit. Enjoying the view outside the bus, I tried not to think anything and let my mind empty.
Nothing much to write, just
1. Met Afnan and Ijud at the SSN place. But Afnan left his I-20,,,LOL,,
2. It was a boring view of the downtown
3. Thought that Shah Alam is better than the downtown
4. Taking pictures in front of library
Time to release tension. I went for window shopping at Shoe Lockers and Sears. It was not window shopping actually. It was shopping time. Yeah, the output was 2 shoes and a winter jackets. And yeah, the pain was slowly faded away.
And I saw someone in a bus 244 when I was in white bus,,,LOL,,,kantoi,,
2 main things,,plus,,there were lots of Malaysian people too!!!
Getis followed park point seniors in the car went to Walmart. And there was more chit-chatting rather than buying stuffs. Plus, I didn't buy any.
2. Thinking my future life
3. Sigh,,,,talking to myself, 'Apela nasib aku hari nie,'
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
When I do something that for me is alright, people would say it is not alright...
Everything is confusing,,
Which is the right one,,
Either people or me,,
Neither people nor me,,
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
This is my first time in my life doing tag thingy. Here we go............
1) Do you think you’re hot ?
2) Upload your favourite picture of you!
3) Why do you like that picture ?
Got my name on it??,,plus,,it's cool!!!
4) When was the last time you ate pizza ?
A week ago,,cheese pizza at Gracies!!!
5) The last song you listen to ?
I gotta find you - Joe Jonas
6) What are you doing right now besides this ?
Blogging, Facebooking, Friendstering, YMing, Eating!!!
7) What name would you prefer besides yours ?
No idea. Shahrizal is already a perfect name!!
People to Tag ( i dont care if youve been tagged! )
Members of RIT and U of R,,never read tag thingy from them,,LOL,,
8) Who is number one ?
Of course Tuhan Yang Satu and Family,,(nak due2)
9) Number three is having a relationship with ?
errrr,,,who's 3??,,no idea,,lantak die,,
10) Say something about number five ?
11) How about number four?
Also no idea
Monday, November 17, 2008
After listened to the azan at someone's laptop, I woke up. The first thing that came into my head, "What time is it?" And quickly, I grabbed my phone and it was already noon!! Gee. No wonder my back was still killing me becoz of oversleep I think.
The second thing after knowing the precious time, was looking outside the window. My foot reached on the floor and it was cold. I opened the curtain and watched the view outside the house. YES!! It's snowing. Haha. I was getting excited as I grabbed my phone and took pictures on the snow. LOL.
Camwhoring is not that bad as people keep saying that, "Camwhore,,euwwww!!!!!". Whatever.
Somehow, snow is annoying!!!!,,,
As usual, early in the morning, I started to get work at 5am. And surprisingly, I was assigned to pick the trash alone only at Baker Building a.k.a Honors Building. Sigh. It was really dark and scary too (after watched 'mirror') I turned on the light to make it brighter. The day was snowing too. What a coincidence. Wonderful.
I finished my trash pickup at 640am. Yeah it's early because there were little trash except I missed to clean one of the trash room yesterday. Sigh. However, I got caught by senior custodial. He worked with azza, and he asked meto help him. Sigh. It's okay with me as I could learn how to clean the floor by using the vacuum back pack as I needed to hold it at my back. Yeah, it's really killing my back, but somehow I enjoyed it as it made me memorizing my clraning job when I was in High School.
Related to my post tittle, one of the seniors asked me what should they call my me. So, as usual, I would say 'Shah'. However, they said that 'Chuck' is better because
1. It's an American name
2. It's easy to remember
3. Pronunciation is almost the same, SHAH=CHUCK
That is so not me. How come they would think about my name? I have my american name. LOL.
Plus, it's really pissed me off when I remembered the movies that have the name 'Chuck'
1. Good Luck Chuck
2. Larry and Chuck
It's like HELLO!!!...but, I don't mind if they called me 'Chuck' as long as they noticed me, recognized me.
Till the next post friends.
Saturday, November 15, 2008
First day working, as a custidial worker at RIT. It's tiring as I need to pick up trash from all of the trash and recycle room in every single floor at residence hall. And the trash were a lot. I could say it as other students were already home yesterday. So, I needed to clean up the mess that they did. Sigh.
However, it's really a good experience. Yeah, first time working in the US. Wonderful though and need to get some money and keep it for future plan. LOL.
So, that's it. Don't want to talk more about work. Just wanna enjoy a 2 weeks break (actually, I'm already bord when there is nothing else to do rather than eating, sleeping, surfing and wathing movies.) Sigh.
Till the next post.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Peace be upon with you,
Ya Allah,,I'm so sleepy rite now. Coz I was staying at the library for the whole night. It's a cool experience, wahahaha,,first time. After the introbio1 final, it's really make me feel better. No more stress (for this 2 weeks break),,before new challenges from winter quarter come. Sigh.....
Whatever it is, I bet you all are now happy,,(except mior yg sedih when fall quarter gonna end tomorrow),,hurm,,happy holidy!!!!
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
As usual, most of the time I spend is 'lepak'ing and studying in Wallace Library. Yeah, I faced lots of bad things last night, so I need to be more careful after this. What a such numb, borink day....
When jiji asked, "bile ko give up, ko akan....................". I spontaneously answer, "Listen to music." Yeah, although i'm not really up-to-date with new songs, I just like to listen to my songs. Somehow, when I listen to old songs and I like, I would transfer it to my phone. Wahahaha.
It really makes me remember the first songs that I love to liste when I was in High School:
1. I wanna know - Mario Winans
2. Semusim - Marcell
3. Caramu - Nikki Zahid
But now I listen to other songs,,
1. Now or never - HSM3
2. Newport living - Cute is what we aim for
3. He said she said - Ashley Tisdale (aaawwwww)
So, thats all for today. Need to concentrate back to my notes and cheatsheet,,LOL!!!
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Peace be upon with you,,
Recently, I feel like I'm destroying my special shoes. Red B.U.M equipment-school like shoes I guess. Sigh. I wonder why there are cuts at both of them. Maybe............
1. I have washed them for several times. Hygiene is first priority,,(actually wanna make it stay clean and white,,LOL)
2. My feet are growing,,sigh,,
Whatever it is,,I will stay remember the moment I bought them at Sunway Pyramid for rm60. Although people said its ugly, so not cool (coz of like school shoes), I don't even care. It's my taste to wear it. Feel like,,yeah,,getting younger (kembali mude),,LOL,,But somehow,,I am quite dissappointed coz I juz wear them for 6-7 months I think,,sigh,,
It's okay,,I would find a new one,,hoho,,
Peace be upon with you,,,
Monday, November 10, 2008
BTW,,good luck exam to seniors,,
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Finals are just around the corner,,and
Here are some of the IM status that I get,,time ranged between 10pm-11pm:
finally able to control my emotions =) lets fight for tomorrow's final: spanish ^_^
~organic chemistry test!~
rumahku penuh dengan jeritan tekanan perasaan
sakit dada..dup dup dup!!
semangatlah wahai manche!!!!!
fresh beginnings sweet endings
Trying my best, To make a comeback
House...(bile nak study nih..)
death is imminent
Lapar. Lapar. Seyes ni.
Bari melaporkan Mior sedang tidor
RENDAHKAN FREKUENSI ANDA
sesape bangun awal esok tlg kejut aku please...aku ade exam kul 8am T-T
Good Luck in your finals!!,,I pray for your success and don't forget mine too!!,,XD,,
And I wish that all of you will turn back normal after the finals,,LOL!!!,,,(take care of your health,,plus,,get enough sleep)..
Saturday, November 8, 2008
L.O.V.E....love....what is actually love?,,same meaning with miss??,,or there is more specific meaning??,,special for certain relationship??,,sorry,,I don't know what is love because I never fall in love (I mean in real serious relationship) with other people. LOL.
From the word love,,it contributes into other words such as lover, lovely. Wow, I wonder how would be the feel of love is. But I'm sure it's gonna be exciting. Well, what I wanna say here is
p/s: this quote is taken from a desk at Wallace Library. It is such a nice quote, but don't have any idea to talk about. No experience. ROTFL!!!
Friday, November 7, 2008
Today is Friday,,I tot it was a cloudy day because the forecast told me it was supposed to be rainy and gloomy. But the sun shone all over the place. But I still wore my hoody from ROMP Malaysia,,yeah,,maybe I'm a "hoody-holic" + "ROMP-holic" guy I think.
I had my last bio lab this morning,,OMG,,finally,,no more class. And amazingly, I have never skipped any class for this quarter,,seriously,,even chem recitation also I have never missed it. I'm really happy with myself. Alhamdulillah. I hope I could continue it for winter quarter. InsyaAllah.
And today, I didn't go to any senior house to 'lepak' because I don't wanna disturb them studying for finals next week. Plus, I wanna study too,,,even I just have 1 final,,IntroBio 1 (it's killing me rite now). Besides, I just wanna make sure that there is no more unsatisfied person or people who don't wanna me to go to senior house. I really don't understand, how could they unsatisfied with my visiting? I know what I do! A word that I would like to say now-WHATEVER!!!-
However, the thing that I didn't expect to do today was spending 100 bucks at SOLS. Gee. What a freak of me. LOL. But, I don't really care about it as I still have 160usd for my debit. And I need to spend all of the money before next sunday I think.
OK. End of story. Need to continue....watching *****(LOL)-kiddin
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Salam sejahtera ke atas kalian,,
Bila bicara tentang hati, mungkin ada di antara kalian yang sungguh waspada dalam menjaga hati orang lain. Terima kasih saya ucapkan. Kerana kalian sungguh prihatin akan hati itu. Dan, mungkin ada di antara kalian yang memikirkan hati itu adalah satu benda yang remeh. Tidak kisah sama sekali akan hati itu asalkan hasrat di fikiran dipenuhi. Terima kasih saya ucapkan juga. Kerana kalian menjayakan hasrat di fikiran walaupun mungkin ada hati lain yang terluka.
Bila bicara tentang hati, ada orang ambil kisah tentang hati mereka sendiri. Dan ada orang tidak peduli hati mereka sendiri. Memang pelik. Hati itu ibarat ibu segala jasad. Tempat tinggal si perasaan yang tidak mungkin akan terpisah antara satu sama lain kecuali ajal. Bak kata orang, tak lapuk dek hujan, tak lekang dek panas.
Bila bicara tentang hati, memang menjadi lumrah kehidupan, bahawa hati itu amatlah sukar untuk dijaga. Terutama kepada mereka yang amat sensitf hatinya. Seperti saya. Mungkin. Tapi, sudah ramai orang berkata, "ko nie sensitif sgt la." Aku menerima kata itu dengan redha. Ye lah. Apa boleh saya buat? Itu sudah hati saya berkelakuan demikian. Saya tak boleh buat apa-apa. Apa pun, saya suka hati saya. Biarlah orang berkata apa, saya tidak kisah. Saya tak kacau hati mereka.
Bila bicara tentang hati, dialah alat kawalan jasad manusia. "Ikut kata hati." Itulah ayat yang selalu di guna bila berdepan dengan masalah dunia. Kadang-kadang hati itu menghasut ke arah kejahatan. Tapi, hati itulah juga yang mengelakkan jasad berbuat demikian. Ibarat hati itu satu tetapi ada dua karakter.
Bila bicara tentang hati, harap kalian dapat memahami hati ini. Cukuplah sekadar tahu apa hati ini mahukan, tak perlu dipenuhi hasrat hati itu. Kerana, biasalah, hati ini kadagkala sensitif. Entahlah. Memang sukar diungkapkan dengan tulisan atau perkataan. Mungkin sebab hati sahaja yang mengetahui segala-gala.
p/s: maaf kalau 'post' ini membosankan hati anda. Hati ini amat memohon maaf jika hati ini tidak memenuhi hasrat hati anda
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
When I think back, what am I exactly doing all over the day?,,I mean today,,
0700 - wake up + solat + prepare + do homework
0830 - go to lab print something
0900 - go to library + do homework
1100 - chem recitation
1130 - lunch (treat sophomore students who most of them are in real hunger)+ solat + do homework
1330 - essay review with FYE instructor
1400 - do homework (diselitkan with watching video)
1540 - solat
1600 - FYE and Symposium class
1750 - solat + dinner (light dinner)+ solat
1845 - go to lab comp at library (out of laptop to be borrowed) + do homework (tension with the computer speaker)
2340 - blogging!!!,,LOL
All in all,,
1. I need to go back residence hall rite now
2. When arrive, choose between of 2,,,,,,doing homework,,,or,,,sleeping,,,sigh
I want to write a number that I think is a lucky number for me,,19. It is not like a lucky number of me. It is just how this number related to me.
1. I'm 19 years old now and 19 years I have been live on this earth. When, I asked American, "What is your age?", They would say 18. I said,"What??..you r bigger and taller than me!". Sigh, No wonder most all Americans are bigger (in size) than me. But somehow, I'm feeling lucky when I think that I'm not 20 yet. LOL. I feel that age of 20++ is the state where they are not a teenage anymore. They need to change their attitude to be more mature adult. Sigh. WAAA. I wanna be 19 forever!!!
2. I was born on 19th Oct 1989. Okay. No elaboration with it because it is my destiny to be born that day.
3. Yesterday, I borrowed a laptop from library with the number of 19!!!
I think that is. No need to add anything related to 19. Okay.
Monday, November 3, 2008
As the result,,
1) I love to go to library
2) I am not afraid to wear pink!!!
3) I wonder if I could work at Wallace Library like Syafrul,,-.-
Ok,,bye,,need to sleep,,
Sunday, November 2, 2008
This pic was taken for the last Raya,,sigh,,I wonder why ayah getting thinner than usual,,or it just the dark blue baju melayu made him like that,,haha,,my mom,,she is a pretty woman. Always. Plus, she is a lovely mom tu. I miss you MAMA,,
Then, my sibling and I,,
I have arranged the pic from the oldest to the youngest. Okeh, the brown baju melayu is me Shahrizal. Next, the one who is sitting on the sand (budget ayu) is Shahizwan. Then, my lil bro yg tgh makan tu is Shahazlan (tolong la iwan amek gambar die byk2, asyik ko dgn mira je. Nak muntah aku). Then the only girl (I HATE YOU!!!),,Amira.
Talking about my siblings, actually me and other bros wanna give my lil sis name syakirah or some other name that contains the word shah. But somehow, the tradition was broken. Sigh, ayah doesnt wanna to add shah. At last, Nur Amira is her name. Sigh,,
This pic was taken when we were at Lumut jetty.
Hurm, I need to stop here. Wait for my next blog.
p/s: tolong la ambik gamba jelan,,kesian die,,die nak gak tangkap gamba. Amira xde henset ke??,,ke ambek henset motorola ko??
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Yesterday evening, me and my seniors were going to ASSIP & MIOR house because they made a HALLOWEEN PARTY!!,,yeah,,somehow I have got excited as people would dress up like 'hell' to be anything they want. Before that, Park Point was our first destination. Erm, jiejoe left their costumes in thirah's house and they wanted to dressed up there. Plus, maybe they wanted to gather first before going to the party. Somehow they make up the things on their faces, hands to make it scary. Hurm, they took about an hour to dress up. Sigh. I was waiting for them with full of patient, but i enjoyed them dressing themselves. Lots oh things happened.
About 830, we arrived at thier house. And believe me, their rally decorated their house like a very scary house. When we entered the house, it was so dark. Really dark. Everybody was screaming as there was something on front of the toilet. Actually I was behing of the crowd to watch the thing. Tup tup,,it was ended. I didn't know what actually they wanna do. Scare us?,,erm,,maybe. Yeah,,there were lots of people comin to the party. And their costumes were vogue too. Sigh, because i was really hungry, I ate first and others were busy taking pictures. Sigh.
Then, we had the HALLOWEEN runway. It was fun when they acted and walked in front of us although i was not participate at all. I just watched them clapping and what so ever. Then we played mafia. Erm, I realized the game was not really fun as mafia always loose with the villagers. Sigh,,
At 1230, my seniors and I said goodbye to everyone as we gonna back home. Sigh. When I arrived there, I immediately went to sleep as i was really tired and sleepy.
Thanx to assip and mior because inviting me to your party (although it was last minute invitation,LOL). I appreciate your effort in decorating the house,preparing the meal. And I hope u will make another party next year.