Sunday, October 12, 2008

alone..

Peace be upon with you,,

To readers especially Joe, this is what happened yesterday-[Saturday]

Sitting on the chair, focusing on the laptop screen and thinking how to complete my bio lab report, I felt strange. Why Joe and Zizi were in rush? Were they going to somewhere I think? I just ignored them because I wanted to concentrate on my report. But, it got more interesting when they were chit-chatting about some party or something. I went into their room.

Me : korg nak pegi mane?
Joe : kitorg ade function nak pegi. So,blh x ko tolong jage kan rumah?
Me: oo,,ok,,no hal,,,function ape?
Joe: function, party kawan american kitorg,,
Me: owh,,ok

I continued my work, while they were preparing themselves for the function. Then, boss came into the house with najmi.

Boss: korg da siap ke blom?
Joe: da nak siap la nih.

The thing that made me feel strange was, najmi and boss were wearing baju melayu. Were they going to the same place? bcoz joe and jiji didn't wear the baju melayu. But, I didn't care, maybe they had 2 different functions. Maybe. After couple of minutes, they left me.

Joe: nah ni kunci rumah. nanti kalau ade ape2 kitorg call.
Me: Okay!!

They gone and i was alone. I felt akward because i was in someone's home. The silence of the home made me even more alone. I didn't know what to do except workig in my work. I needed to find earphones because I wanted to listen to my phone. Somehow, I tried to search it at joe's desk and found one. Sony earphone. I took it and eventually, something poped up on joe's laptop screen, and i read it.

Pao: korg bile nak blah pegi umah aku?
Joe: nak pegilah nie.
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My mouth was shutted up, the time had stopped for a while, and my body sat at the corner of the room. My body was so weak. My mind didn't want to remember that moment when I was reading that thing. Somehow, while sat alone, in the quite room, my tears came out from my brown eyes. I didn't know why. I couldn't help myself. I tried to stop the tears but I couldn't. So, my watery eyes let the tears flow nonstop.

I felt homesick. I felt alone. And I felt an empty heart of me. It was not because I was being left by joe and zizi. They didn't do anything. It was my fault to cry like a baby. My fault. It was just my fault that I don't have any best friends. Because of that, I'm being alone all the time. I thought I wanna go back home, ride my scooter, watch movie at KLCC and do anything else. Without anybody because it's good being alone. No one would disturb my business. But, I didn't know why I changed here. I have a very long thought at that time. after a whie, I knew, sometimes, being alone is really peacefull, but sometimes,being alone is really hurt too.

My tears had stopped. I wiped it with my shirt and felt relieved because I have never ever cried since the day I was so homesick at home. Things went back normal. But still in pain, I walked through the door and continued my work. After almost an hour, my phone was ringing.

Joe: Hello Shah,
Me: Oh, Hye Joe,
Joe: Nape nie Shah, ko nangis ke?
Me: Eh, xde la. Aku mane ade nangis...
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And the day was continued,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

SORRY to everyone bacause I become emo again.

Wassalam

19 comments:

Anonymous said...

well,i really undrstand how u feel...
i'm on the same boat like u b4... somehow,ur post reminded me of my lonely n suffering days...
yeah,it really does hurt....deeply...

at times when u feel lonely, remember that ALLAH is always there...thinking like that somehow makes u feel better...

u can also cry out when u feel lonely... let everything out at dat moment... feel the loneliness fully....and then, let it go... tell urself that "ive had enough,now i must let it go"

other than that, u can try to find someone to be close friend etc. dat's d way to fill ur emptiness... if u r introvert like me, that'll be hard though... :P but,i dun think dat u r introvert...huhu...

for me, one of my ways to overcome my emptiness is that i ACCEPT that i'm lonely... i noe it's bitter... but... i feel better that way...i always tell myself that it'll be okay... in addition, i trap myself in my own world- watch my favorite tv series: CHARMED :D , anime and play games(especially Final Fantasy). Oh yeah! i also like to walk and observe the beauty of nature- it gives me the feelings of tranquility.. :)

Now, i think i'm sorta immune to the lonely feelings... although sometimes i feel it...i'm on my own n i try to be independent... i dun wan to rely on anyone too much... i always feel uneasy in d middle of a crowd...maybe it's because of my social ineptness...that's d main reason i dun wan to go to any open house etc. (oh no! pecah tembelang! :p) d last time when i went to mysa open house, i felt left out in a crowd n really wanted to go back!!! huhu... :(

Ok2,enough... sorry i took a big space in ur comment -_-'''

P/s:

1)open house kat umah pau tu utk batch dia sebenarnya... maybe zizi n joe dijemput kerana mrk rapat dgn dia...(i noe u dun blame them. just want to inform)

2)no offense... but 'distress' actually means psychological suffering.... not released from stress (i also dun noe about it until i checked wordpress dictionary)

ok2,buenos noches (gd nite)

Anna said...

first and foremost. yes, jiji and joe were invited because well...you know why.

second, the only time u waste is the time u spend thinking that ur alone. as i said before. go out and have a life. maybe u shud hang out with ur own buddies. i know u didn't blame us for leaving u alone. i've felt all sorts of 'lonely' feeling.

so, maybe u shud become less emo and...yes. try to mix with ur batch. it helps a lot. trust me. at least u shud try.

don't be a cry baby la shah. well, it's normal. but for a guy to cry? naa'ah. i don't think so. i totally understand the feeling of being left behind. so, jgn sedih2 dh. get into circle friend lain gk ok? so bile satu circle left u, u got another one. got it? good boy.

p/s: belajar ditinggalkan. sbb itu akan jadikan anda lebih kuat.

sorry ah membebel but i think i need to say these.

shah.rizal said...

To Afnan:
Thanx for da advice. U know what I feel right now,,so,,I don't have to elobrate my points here,,just wanna said that,,I used to be alone all over the time,,it's just I couldn't help myself at time,,only dat time,,that's all. Oit,,i got the word "distress" from PN SUE,,LOL,,,

To Pao:
Thanx 4 da advice also. Wut do u mean by my buddies??,,My batch??,,hey,,i'm get along with them lah,,nothing happen between us. we're good friend.hehe. And foremost, I never cried for a long time since I was form 1!!!!,,being left by my parents,,that is all,,it's only dat time,,I just wanna release whatever pain in my heart to be released. That's all. Maybe dat was the best time,,best place,,hehe,,

Anonymous said...

yup, i also used to be alone almost all the times... more precise,i decided to be alone... so i can enjoy myself... lol~ :D

wah pau! belajar ditinggalkan sbb itu akan jadikan anda lebih kuat??? macam ada makna je di sebalik ayat itu... that's right! learn from ur experiences...

Anna said...

haha afnan!!

Anonymous said...

i totally agree with pao, a guy to cry? toughen up ait? even if you said you havent cried since from form 5, i dont think its a 'manly' thing for you to brag or just tell the whole world that you cried.

Find somebody you can talk to ok? Who has the same 'character' as you do. Maybe you think you are getting along with certain ppl when the reality is you're not. Either you're being ignorant, or you are just soo naive i dont know. But hey, try to put yourself in others shoes ok?

shah.rizal said...

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
~saket atie plak tetibe~
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Anonymous said...

i would say that what you felt or what u've become today is all determined by urself.u want to be alone, so GOD give u that 'loneliness and solidarity' life that i think nobody likes.what else do u want? isn't that is what u want?

one more thing, try not to love something that u didn't have or own. instead, try to love and be grateful for what u already have.

Anonymous said...

ive never cried since like drjh nam..

not to brag bout that but crying over this seemed almost wasting

sometimes solitude is the best company

juz be who you are

shah.rizal said...

I wonder who is the anonymous,,and I hope he or she is somoone that could help me,,i guess??

Anonymous said...

yup, i agree wif anonymous! sometimes solitude is the best company!!! (tiba2 happy although tgh dmm) -_-'

Anonymous said...

Anyway, regardless of what happen i do believe that this is the quote of the day. "Joe: function, party kawan american kitorg." ROFL

Anna said...

haha bars! it's true. the function was actually for hawa's boss' wife (can u get the connection here?) and yet she didn't come. so it turn out to be just the melayu.

and to anonymous,
i totally agree with u. thanks lah.

yes, of all my guy friends, never any of them ever told me they were actually crying. well maybe i left one or two of them but doesnt matter.

pesanan: if u ever feel alone lagi, go find something that can make u feel content. seriously dude. u need to fix something.

Anonymous said...

shah..stop being sad.... you still hve me as your loyal listener..To all the bloggers commenting on this blog, i dun think it's a weird thing for a guy to weep. Guy=human. Girl=human. It's human that cry and it's ape that doesn't. Shah is not an ape. It's a normal thing for him to feel that way. You guys should have supporting him in a much more wiser way(redundancy is here). Stop blaming him but instead give him support. He's now part of your world.-meor intec-

shah.rizal said...

Meor!!!!,,,,thanx for understanding me!!!,,,rase terharu aku,,,sob3,,,

Hitam Manis said...

OMG! i feel the same as you! "It was just my fault that I don't have any best friends" OMGOMGOMG!!!! so the same. i mean, i do have some, but note here. i'm desperately alone.... hate that feelings.hm.... nway,i've link your blog from mine.

Anonymous said...

yeah,i agree wif meor too!!!
it's kinda lame wif d quote,"men cannot cry" or "men shouldnt cry" or wuteva....
i mean, ALLAH creates tears for a reason rite? Every human have tears... we cry when we're happy, grateful or sad... so,rather than suppressing our feelings, better let them out....
well, i didnt mean dat everyone shud cry each time they r sad etc... but,sometimes we need to cry... it makes us calm n brings d 'keinsafan' thingy out...

it's just my opinion... :P

Anonymous said...

ada banyak mior/meor eh?
saya sedang confused.

shah.rizal said...

yup,,