Wednesday, October 15, 2008

down,,

Peace be upon with you,,

While walking on the quarter mile, going back to my room after MySA general meeting, I don't know why I feel so down today. Yeah, I accept that today is quit bz with the classes, meeting, Malaysian booth, presidential debate and other work. Plus, maybe my bad grade for bio midterm is still in my head, spinning around and make it even worse than usual. Somehow, I feel like I'm trapped in crowd. No one would notice my body except my soul. The cold breeze made my mouth chattering nonstop. I walked faster because I wanted to go to library for the debate.

In the room, as I performed Isya' solah, I remembered past memories, past accidents and past of whatever I did. I could feel the emptiness of my heart and no one could fill it except someone called friend. Somehow I am a ittle bit jealous when people are taking care of their best friends. So sweet. It just like they would go anywhere, do anything by together. And I'm not part of that lucky people. I want to find one but somehow no one interested. So, I need to use to be alone even its hurt. No choice I guess.

When I finished my solah, I sat on the sejadah while keep thinking the reality of me. Yeah, it's true my life is miserable. And again, the tears came out from my eyes but I did stop it before it flowed on my cheek. I don't know the reason for that tears. Oh, maybe myself is pity for myownself. I didn't want to make it worse. Packing my back, I went out from the room, walked to the library. On my way, there is nothing inside my head except, keep thingking about my past, my present and my future. Is it gonna be always miserable??

Wassalam.

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

SHAH!!!!!! WAKE UP!!!!!
Dun wallow urself too much...
I truly understand how u felt since i've been thru a similar experience for a few times....
Dun worry, u'll ace thru...
just be patient and wade thru d obstacles wif resilient heart...
remember! ALLAH is always wif u!
Pray to ALLAH always n have faith...
No matter how deep u fall into a gorge, no matter how dark ur surrounding is, THERE WILL BE ALWAYS A GLIMPSE OF HOPE...
ini semua dugaan ALLAH...
"ALLAH xkan menguji hamba-NYA melainkan ALLAH tahu bhw dia dpt menghadapinya." "Tiada yg berputus asa di atas rahmat ALLAH melainkan org kafir." [both of these r Firman ALLAH if i'm not mistaken. just x igt no n surah apa -_-']

Last words: Be like a phoenix that rises from the ashes... Gd luck! All d best =)

Anonymous said...

shah,
jangan put urself down. da la tgh down, pastu duk mengdown kn diri lagi. nobody will love you until you learn to love urself. memang xde kawan kite sedih, i admit it.ive been thru that phase before. ok fine, ko xde kwn sgt kt sni. tp buat mcm biasa je. ko happy kn diri. try to be involved in the crowd, in a certain way lah. n ko msti ade kwn rpt kt msia kn, or kt US tp kt uni lain. talk to them! u r not alone ok.kite ni duduk jauh, kalau kite biar hidup kite miserable, amat susah ok.belajar susah, nnti asik homesick and sume la.dont even make that an option.live up! cheer up!

Anonymous said...

haihh.
stop being childish la bang.
aiyoo.
Mama dengan Ayah tau baru tau.
ni pun dah nak kantoi.
and the truth is
Mama dgn Ayah tau kot result bio ko.heee.

and one more thing.
SUMPAH aku tak pernah nampak ko nangis kot.I wonder how would it looks like.hehehe,

P/s:sorry if ENGLISH saya tak bagos.gahahaha.

shah.rizal said...

da nak failed nak buat camane,,btw,,x payah kot nak tunjuk blog kat ayah dgn mama,,

Anna said...

btol ckp dila. aku rase sume org pn pernah rasa benda yg same time first year. ye la nk adapt dgn tmpt baru lg kan. but i've learned to cheer myself up whenever i feel damn down. talk to ur friends kt u lain2 ke. they'll be there for you. if you call them friend la. seryes. ko dh parah ni aku rase. if by writing pn cant help u that much. try to find someone. that could hear u. and see u maybe? maybe one of us or maybe not. just...aku xtau nk ckp ape dh. aku lapa nk g makan jap.

shah.rizal said...

bukan ape pau,,aku je nie je yg memang masalah,,,x reti nak cari kawan,,even,,aku pon xde kawan baik mcm bdk2 lain,,so,,aku la yg kene akibat nye,,so,,i need to solve it,,

Anonymous said...

booo hoo hoo

a drama queen wannabe.
get ur lazy fat ass busy to avoid all those crappy feeling.

u said u already study for ur exam. truly u're not. the more u learn bout something the more u feel u didn't prepared well. if u said u're well prepared, meaning u're not even studying anything.

go play some sports. join the intermural exempli gratia soccer or
whatever u like.

go mixed around, socialized with the society. by writing all of ur crappy miserable life on the blog wont make u feel any better. u're just showing how pathetic u are and people are too busy to give a fucking damn care bout ur pathetic life on blog.

sorry for the harsh words and yes u are a loser.

Anonymous said...

some people just love to hurt others... hello!!! mind ur words ok?

Anonymous said...

urghh,
aku tau la mana 1 nak tunjuk kat ayah n mama ke x.

Anonymous said...

shah, get yourself a girlfriend!! LoL gf always helps u in the time of need :p

Anna said...

shah, ape kate ko restrict blog ko? aku cm xminat lah bace comment from anonymous loser tu. ckp org loser tp komen gune anonymous. wtf. tak pun ko restrict sape bleh komen blog ko. seryesli we dont need such comments. and maybe ko bleh stop tulis cerite2 sedih. get a new focus. and blurrkan focus misery ko. seryes. klo ko keep making urself down, theres no way u can get out of this. and kalau xde kwn pn, lepak2 la. jln2 ke. mcm afnan buat. aku pnh gk wat centu. at least feel better if not the worst. pape pn aku nk supper lak. bye.

Anonymous said...

pao's right!!! sokong pao!!!

Anonymous said...

i am not the anonymous anonymous that everyone is crazy about...

juz want to clear the air~